It's That Time of Year

Yes, there are tourists, uncontrollable kids running on the mall, heat, humidity - all things I have complained about, will complain about, and/or will continue to complain about. One item I have left off this list I was reminded about today.

INTERNS!!!

I was bookin' it down the metro station to get to my area closest to the exit for the Y (yes, I finally did a swim). I am pretty good at navigating around suitcases, people reading signs, and the occasional seeing eye dog. However, the interns are back and stupider than ever!

From my favorite DC website, here is an idea of what I (and all the others in DC) have to deal with for the next few months.

How Not To Be That Intern

1. Your underwear is no one else's business. Seriously, no one wants to see the top of your thong or your boxers or, God forbid, your be-pantied crotch. Invest in a belt, learn to keep your knees together in a skirt and master the art of exiting a cab with your legs together. The day your boss sees your underwear is the day your recommendation gets less effusive.
2. You are never going to out-drink a Hill staffer or a lobbyist Yes, we're sure you're hot shit on campus in your flip cup league, and you can throw back a dozen shots and a couple of beers, boot and then rally and come back for more. Everyone drinks in D.C., and they drink for a living, which means that they, in many cases, can drink to excess and still work (hell, I'm drinking right now). So not only should you not try to keep up because you likely can't, but, additionally, no one is going to care about your drunk tales or your hangovers.
3. Don't hook up with co-workers or fellow interns We all understand that, in college, you have sex with your classmates and the people on your dormitory floor and the people you're in clubs with, and it's cool. But, do not be boinking the other interns in your office. Hang out, meet their other friends, meet other interns, but don't screw the girl or boy in the next cube. Everyone's going to know, and you never know on whose side the opprobrium will fall.
4. Shut up Everyone here is smart, and probably smarter than you. If you keep your mouth shut, you won't be able to make the fatal error of bragging about how great your Hah-vard education is to someone that went to the JFK School and had a dual-degree with the law school.
5. Avoid gawking Yeah, you've probably seen that guy on TV. So has everyone else, and you're the only one looking.
6. Get out of my way If I'm on the street, I'm trying to get somewhere, and so is everyone else. There are, like, actual places to get to here, and some of us are trying to get to them and you are getting in our way so stop standing in the middle of the sidewalk.
7. Khakis make you look like a kid Throw away the pleated pants and the navy blazers, please. There's a Marshall's in Pentagon City. Call your mom. Look into a real suit.
8. Use a condom We're not kidding, definitely use them. Look at the stats. This is not a small college town and you don't know everyone else that person has slept with, so stock up.
9. Don't attend Senator Coburn's sex ed lecture No, seriously. Just don't.
10. Don't sleep with anyone important I hear that power is an aphrodisiac, though I've never felt its effects myself. But, seriously, don't be the next Monica, Jessica or Julia. You might find infamy, but the sex will probably suck and you'll never get a job here again.